Can you believe it? I mean, I ask you - can anyone in their right mind possibly consider even for a moment that it's true? Those blasted pinkos at BBC HQ have really gone and done it now. Oh, I am utterly distraught. I cannot bring myself to even contemplate the enormity of it all. I feel the need to lie down in a darkened room with a plentiful supply of Plymouth gin, Noilly Prat and ice. Yes, lots and lots of ice.
I am utterly at a loss to even for a moment consider a rational explanation. I still cannot believe it. No, not that damned silly parlour game presided over by Mr Sneer. (Although, come to think of it, one might conclude that this, too, is a decision borne out of those limp-wristed, namby-pamby goodfornothings at the BBC. I mean - Manchester! Good Lord above.) Oh no, no, no. The source of my discomfiture, the origin of my anxst is much more serious. I cannot tell you. You will have to read it for yourself.
Bloody Belgium?
I don't believe it!
3 days ago
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9 comments:
Magnificent wind-up by Les Belges. Hats off.
At one point the Russians claimed to have invented baseball (beizbol, IIRC). All time winner of the Cold War propaganda stakes.
Hurrah! I'd heard that "crekette" had been invented in France, but I never believed it - they've got boules and that is surely boring enough for them. Good old plucky little Belgium.
Bunch of pinkoes!
But it can't be true. If Belgium invented the cricket the game would have to include the opposing team marching backwards and forwards across the pitch.
Of course the game actually originated in Scotland, the name deriving from the Gaelic 'criche', meaning 'boundary', and 'airt'; 'a stone'. Shepherds became adept at striking stones to field edges using short wooden clubs, as a means of driving off foxes and wolves. These skills gave rise to the game of 'cricheairt', later carried to the Low Countries by itinerant weavers from Dumfries and Galloway.
Dumfries and Galloway are the Low Countries.
I'm cancelling my licence in disgust. Mind you didn't Boris tell the Chinese we invented Ping Pong?
Boris said that we'd invented "Piff Paff!" which sort of made sense. Or more than he usually does, anyway.
If the Belgians had invented cricket there'd have been a demarcation line halfway along the pitch to signify the language barrier. And a beer break.
Surely if the Belgians had invented cricket cricket whites would be lace, and 'tea' would involve chips and mayonnaise and chocolate, and beer. Actually that makes it sound like a game I could really get in to.
Perhaps that's the reason it is such a long, drawn out, boring game!
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