Thursday, 24 July 2008

More sex please...

I would like to begin by thanking everyone who has thus far responded in affirmative tones to my new 'sex' campaign. Of course, I always suspected that a number of like-minded individuals with a penchant for the correct use of language might exist, but previous attempts to broach the subject had resulted merely in glazed expressions, even yawns on the faces of my listeners in Ye Olde Wisdom of Solomon, the choral-vicars' hostelry. There has been but one respondent failing to concur, so if the rest of you would oblige me for a moment...
Liz. Dear lady. The flaw in your argument centres, of course, on the word 'sex' which, when applied to one's biological nature, is of course perfectly clear but which, in another context, may also be correctly used as an abbreviation for the act of 'sexual intercourse' -which itself takes the word 'sex(ual)' to specify a form on interaction of an intimate nature, one not to be mistaken for any other form of intercourse - for example, social intercourse, oral intercourse or even musical intercourse (and I am NOT referring to Ravel's Bolero!). Gender, meanwhile, refers to the role either ascribed by or assumed within a particular society and conforming to its laws of sexual identity. Hence, boys in blue and girls in pink. It could so easily be the other way around, you know. I once knew a man who wore a dress. But he was the Archbishop, so it didn't matter. Thus gender as a term is wholly socially defined. Why not dress boys in pink (we do here)? And why shouldn't girls wear the trousers? These are gender roles, dear lady, and have nothing whatsoever to do with what is modestly preserved in the underwear department. I hope that clears things up.
Now, for the rest of you - here are your orders: we are henceforth on a seek and destroy mission. Whenever one encounters the dreaded 'g' word, you must strike it out at once! Do unto the abomination what St George did to the dragon. Put on the armour of self-righteousness - delete the impostor, and reinstate the 's' word in its place. Do this as often as you find it, in remembrance of linguistic accuracy. I will go before you; I will show you the way. I have myself in the last three days replaced the 'g' word on at least a dozen application forms. (I still await a response from Mr Asda.) Go to it, my people. Be as a light unto the gendered gentiles! And as St Dave Allen always finished, may your God go with you.

17 comments:

Kitty said...

I fear Mr Asda won't like you tampering with his gender.

x

Lay Clerk said...

At the extreme risk of being accused of pedantry, I'm afraid Mr Asda may also object to not being called Mr ASDA, for in truth that purveyor of all things has a capitalised name.

Sorry, I'll be off now!

susan s. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
susan s. said...

So, Dear Can Bass 1(Please excuse me if I am being too familiar), we pray at church for "an end to all prejudice and wrongful discrimination, be it based on race, color, age, nationality, political affiliation, gender, disability, sexual orientation, class or creed." Now aside from the arkwardness of the sentence and the bases of said WD, should 'gender' be changed to 'sex?' Inquiring minds want to know.

Eddie 2-Sox said...

"on a seek and destroy mission"?

Sounds more "kick ass" than "can bass". I expect you believe god to be on your side?

Secondly, I think you should broach this topic with Felicia, liberal helpings of the word "sex" may well get her hot and flustered!

Can Bass 1 said...

I fear you may be right, Kitty.
Why - is it not the proper name of the proprietor, Lay-Clerk? Am I missing something?
Most definitely, Susan. Strike it out!
What a good idea, Eddie. I think I'll try it out on Sunday.

Old Fogey said...

Yes. To my simple mind, sex applies to male and female; gender applies to masculine and feminine. What worries me (and you too I guess) is the way meaning sometimes slides out of clarity into confusion. So gender gets used by the ideologically prissy to mean sex as well - so confusing male and masculine, female and feminine - and big brother-like we start to lose words, and with them the capability of thinking clearly. Not a gay prospect!

Lay Clerk said...

I'm afraid the rather prosaic truth is that the ASDA name was made up from an amalgamation of the names of some of its constituent parts, viz. when the Asquith chain of stores merged with Associated Dairies & Farm Stores in 1965. And if you care to slum it a bit and look at their Website, you will see that the name is always rendered with full capitalisation.

Since the late 1990's it has of course been owned by Wal-Mart, founded in 1962 by brothers Sam & Bud Walton in Arkansas, USA. So perhaps it's Mr Walton who will reply to your application then Can Bass 1, except Sam died in 1992, and Bud 3 years later.

It's a mystery who will reply to you then.

Isn't t'InterWeb a wonderful repository of information!

The Poet Laura-eate said...

As a masculinely-challenged person of the opposite persuasion I uphold your fine campaign.

Good luck in keeping your end up (as it were). Just remember you're British!


By the by I have acknowledged your fine bloggery award @ mine today!

Kevin Musgrove said...

Given your vocation, surely you could get somebody to say a nice word on your behalf to Sam and Bud?

The Dotterel said...

Unless they're in the 'other place'!!

Retiredandcrazy said...

I like to refer to myself by name and object when I am asked "is that "Miss, Mrs or Ms?". I am me and my marital status is no-ones business. So let's stand up for individuality CanBass1 and tell these idiots to bogoff.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Ok, so we're now denied the right to reply "yes please", "not since the operation", etc, etc, etc, to the Sex? question on ASDA application forms; but "trans", "neuter" or even "identific" are perfectly acceptable answers to Gender?. Any employer who doesn't appreciate the jocularity of this is clearly not worth working for. We still win.

The Dotterel said...

Well said!

ChickPea said...

ooooooooo ! I missed this - a 'new sex' campaign, did you say ?

Working mum said...

I fear you may be scuppering your chances of a job. No-one likes a pedant, even if they are correct!

PS I recently corrected a notice in a restaurant loo (the apostrophe, again) - think I'm losing it a little!

Lavinia said...

I got a chuckle out of this post. Good luck in your endeavours...